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healthy relationship

320 212 Zakyree Wallace

Identifying Abusive Relationships: A Guide For All

We live in a time where interpersonal abuse is accepted as something that happens, but there remains a disconnect of information on how to recognize the signs and what action to take after you do.

In many cases, people don’t know how to perceive something as abusive because of harmful messages from our media that sell ideas that your partner wanting dominance and control over you is romantic, signs of their love. We see this as the case in the popularity of the highly problematic 50 Shades of Grey franchise.

The sheer pervasiveness of interpersonal abuse requires us to learn how to defend our community and ourselves. One method of defense is bracing oneself with knowledge. What are signs that your partner may become or is abusive? How does a person show signs of being in an abusive relationship?

No one can prevent physical or emotional abuse from happening, and abuse can happen to anyone. This truth should not intimidate you. We are too strong to live in fear. Instead, let’s work together to keep our loved ones and our communities safe on a grassroots level, so we can identify the signs of abuse and help people out of toxic relationships.

Also important to remember is that abuse takes on different forms. It may not always be just physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Abusers use many tactics of manipulation that are hard to categorize and range in many unfortunate ways.

Signs of An Abusive Partner

  1. Manipulation and control

This person may decide to make decisions for you that you would normally make for yourself. This looks like choosing who you hang out with, what you wear, or who you speak to on the phone. Another way the exhibit control is forcing or convincing you to have sex when you don’t want to. Often abusive relationships begin with the potential abuser pressuring exclusivity early in the relationship.

  1. Guilt

Abusers are known to blame others for their problems and actions. If physical violence did occur or the abuser became jealous, which is common, they would blame the innocent partner. While it may seem like “how does that work,” it can be extremely stressful and worrying when someone you love or are just in a relationship burdens you with their emotions. Remember that abusers can be very good manipulators. This blame can keep someone is a abusive relationship by making them believe that their at fault for the abuse and they don’t deserve better treatment.

  1. Isolation

Making you quit your job or keeping you away from your friends and family is common. The abuser may take this a step further and inspire you to harbor negative feelings about your friends or family.  Withholding affection and putting down your self-esteem are isolation tactics used to place blame on the innocent partner for the abusers actions. This also forces you, since you’re so isolated, to rely on the abuser for self-esteem and love.

  1. Intimidation

Abusers will overly emphasize their height and weight, weapons such as guns or knives, or maybe even make jokes about hurting you to instill a fear of being harmed in you. They may also threaten to kill themselves if you leave them, destroy your belongings, or humiliate you in front of others, and at home.

Signs Someone’s In An Abusive Relationship

  1.     They aren’t themselves when they’re with their abuser.
  2.     They are afraid around them and not comfortable because they’re constantly anticipating
    verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
  3. They make excuses and/or take responsibility for their partners’ abusive actions.

How to Leave

This is difficult and will look different for most people. It is important to consider the threat of violence when deciding to leave. If you don’t feel safe, avoid direct confrontations with the abuser like challenging or telling them what you really think of their behavior. I’m not saying to forgo your strength and be submissive, but there is a time and a place for everything. So until you’re safe, tread carefully.

  • Reach out

Reach out to whoever you can, preferably someone you trust–friends, family members, family friends, honestly anyone you know who cares about you. The blame for the abuse you suffered through lies with your abuser and no one else. No one else. People you seek for help should understand this and love you regardless.

  • Seek help through phone hotlines and local facilities

If you truly don’t know anyone personally that can help you, reach out to hotlines that can help you find community centers, shelters, or other assistance for survivors of interpersonal abuse. Here’s a list of some:

866 578 Malia

How To Keep It Hot !… Once You Get The Rock!



By: Julie Hunter

If you’re in a long-term relationship or marriage, you understand that every couple goes through their ups and downs. Sometimes however, it can be a little hard to tell which side of the pendulum the current state of your relationship is swaying towards, especially if you find yourself in a bit of a rut.


A rut is not at all indicative of a relationship on the rocks. Usually it’s simply a result of life getting in the way. Taking care of the kids, work, and dealing with everyday stresses can leave the relationship with your loved one to fend for itself. The quickest area to fall by the wayside, more often than not, is your sex life. Of course you can connect with your partner over coffee in the morning or while running errands on the weekends. However, it can be much more difficult to put yourself in the right state of mind for connecting on a more intimate level.


Take a look at some of these tips that you can start utilizing to help better the physical relationship between you and your partner.



Start Outside of the Bedroom

Sex can be both physical and emotional. Making sure that your relationship is strong on both points is crucial to the other. That’s why a lot of the aspects that go into a deep sexual connection are built outside of the bedroom. You’ve probably heard before that you still have to “date” your partner, and this is true. It’s not as simple as just getting food or watching TV together, though. Doing something more adventurous greatly increase your intimacy.


Engaging in new experiences as a couple can increase your intimacy while helping you bond and reconnect in other ways. iVillage discussed the idea, suggesting that taking a trip or trying a new activity together is a bonafide way to rekindle and recharge your romance. They also quoted licensed counselor Hilary Phillips, who said, “Creating happy memories together goes a long way in establishing a couple’s sense of shared meaning.”


Physical Health

After having kids and going through the natural aging process, a women’s pelvic muscles can weaken, especially those utilized during sex. You’ve probably heard about Kegel exercises in the past, but you may have underestimated their ability to increase your sexual experience. Kegel exercises work the muscles of your pelvic floor, which can result in more intense contracts during orgasm. It can also offer a tighter, more encompassing sensation for your partner. The Mayo Clinic offers a guide of how to best identify your Kegel muscles and strengthen them.


You and your partner should also make sure that you see your physicians regularly and address any issues you’re having with a professional. Low sex drive or sexual performance issues can be health related and subsequently regulated with help from your doctor.


Spice Things Up

Of course there are also things you can do in the bedroom to increase your experience. For starters, throughout the day, Your Tango recommends being more aware when you’re around your partner, and reach out to touch or kiss them. Increasing your physical contact will help you feel more connected and can increase your desire for one another later on.


To heat things up in the bedroom, Adam and Eve suggests utilizing a new sex toy to intensify playtime with your partner. It’s a great way to make things even steamier between the sheets. Whether it’s with a discreet finger vibrator or something more adventurous, there are tons of ways you can make it a night to remember. Even something as simple as oil and a sexy massage kit can give your lovemaking a boost.


Over the years, your sex life has probably made its way pretty far down on your list of things that require your attention. However, it’s important to put the effort into physically connecting, as well as emotionally. Once you realize what you’ve been missing out on, the only thing you’ll have trouble with is keeping your hands off one another!