Hold on Health, I’m Trying to Build My Life

Hold on Health, I’m Trying to Build My Life

1024 588 Zakyree Wallace

It’s times like these when I sit down to write something relevant and interesting for our Natura readers that I’m reminded by how disconnected I feel with everything that I’m “supposed” to be interested in. It turns out living in a perpetual state of tiredness with chronic headaches for several months can have that effect, go figure.

It’s 11 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, and despite having slept for 10 hours, I am exhausted. I don’t have class until 2 p.m., so I spend the next two hours trying to build enough energy to get out of bed and exist. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about all I have to do today and didn’t do yesterday (or the day before that, or the day before that).

“All I ever really want to know is how other people are making it through life—where do they put their body, hour by hour, and how do they cope inside of it.” – Miranda July

Eventually, I get up, shower, and go to class. In class, I’m waiting to get out of class. None of that holds my interest or attention anymore. Instead of participating in class, I think about all the things I’d like to be creating, the emotions I’d like to experience. I look up. People are leaving, time for my next class.

This has been my life for the last 8 months. These past months have been the most debilitating months of my life. I’ve never felt more physically, mentally, and spiritually unhealthy than I do now. Not the most ideal way to start one’s first year of college, right?

I came to college excited to learn and meet people and intentions to be as involved as possible. And don’t get me wrong; I’ve done all of that. It just hasn’t felt as fulfilling as I’d thought it be. To be brutally honest, I hasn’t been fulfilling at all. I don’t feel like I’m aligned with my purpose yet, and it’s throwing me off.

It’s times like these when I sit down to write something relevant and interesting for our Natura readers that I’m reminded by how disconnected I feel with everything that I’m “supposed” to be interested in. It turns out living in a perpetual state of tiredness with chronic headaches for several months can have that effect, go figure.

Hanging out with friends and trying to bury myself in obligations hasn’t done much for my outlook either. Keeping busy is difficult when you lack the motivation to do something as simple as making up your bed.

Although it’s remarkable how little I do each day (being a college student), I manage to consistently feel busy and like I have no time to focus on myself. When I do have time, I often feel remarkably unoriginal and uncreative.

I suppose what I’m feeling is unbalanced. It’s strange to me how aware I can be of my unhealthy condition, yet so unable to come out of it.

This isn’t at all how I imagined this part of my life to be.  And if I can be cliché for a moment, I have things to do, people to see, and I can say that I can’t, or wouldn’t, enjoy that where I am now.

Have you ever gone through a time like this is your life? What are some things you did to rediscover your creativity or motivation? Share in the comments below.

 

Zakyree Wallace

Hey y'all! My name is Zakyree Wallace, and I am a staff writer, soon to be assistant editor, at Natura Magazine. I’m passionate about mindfulness, learning more about feminine energy, and the history and lasting effects of racism and capitalism in our society. While I’m currently a sophomore at UNC-CH studying African American and Women and Gender Studies, I’m excited to leave my student days behind and embrace learning non-traditionally.

All stories by:Zakyree Wallace
1 comment
  • William Wallace April 2, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    I to, personally struggled with a decision for almost a year
    as to what God wanted me to do in life. I was torn between what “I” thought the
    answer was based on what I knew of God’s word and the numerous examples found
    within the Bible. I also considered the “traditional belief” that God would
    speak to me verbally or I would see some type of sign, bolt of lightning, or
    get some type of call. I finally chose to go with the unpopular choice of
    making the decision based on the parameters set forth within God’s word, and
    not waiting for a call, bolt of lightning, or any other sign. Then, just as Garry
    Friesen stated in his book Decision
    Making and The Will of God, after I made the decision, I realized this was the
    course of action most take; following their heart. This was shocking after all
    the people who implicitly stated there would be a sign. There are literal
    multitudes of people in the world who are stuck in this cycle of uncertainty
    like yourself.

    Kevin DeYoung is his book, Just Do Something, says that one of the reasons we struggle with
    direction in our life is because we have too many choices. It is almost as if
    we have become victims of our success or the byproducts of a capitalistic driven
    society. We literally have so many choices, it is hard to decide which to
    choose. For example, you can go to any moderate sized grocery store and find
    over 275 varieties of cereal, 230 soups, 65 different box drinks, and 15
    different kinds of bottled water. This thought
    process had bleed over into our psychology also. Zakyree, I am sure when you
    seek advice for what you should do, you get answers that range from a being a local
    newspaper salesman to the first black female president of the united states. That
    begs the question, can everyone really be anything? Or do we have limitations?
    Well, I do not know the answer to that, but I do know that with our faith
    placed in Jesus Christ and working within the moral parameters of His word (The
    Bible), we can accomplish much.

    With that said, I would select what is most heavy on your
    heart, what you feel most compelled to do, and what you have the most talent /
    training in and go for that single focus! From there I would do what the Navy
    does, make minor corrections along the way, while staying on track.

What do you think?

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